Countdowns

Since I started high school, one of the things I couldn’t wait for was having a relationship. I would see my friends and just random people at school with their significant other and wished I had that. I wanted the kissing, the hand holding, the cuddling; all of it. I was always in the situation though, where I liked someone and eventually had the nerve to tell them only to find they liked me as just a friend.

After awhile I just started to give up, thinking it was never going to happen to me and it was all just going to be day dreams. I just focused more on just being friends with guys and I learned to open up more and not be so shy. I think that’s when things changed for me.

In the middle of my sophomore year, I met this guy, Andrew, through MySpace that new a lot of people I knew. We just started talking and at the time, I believe he had a girlfriend. When they broke up however, he made sure that I knew and eventually things started to heat up. It turned out though, that he was a douche bag and only wanted sex and talking to another girl behind my back. We weren’t dating officially, but we were talking and that’s where it was headed.

Only a few days after I stopped talking to him, I started talking to my ex. Erica and I had been talking for a bit about her boyfriend at the time who lived in California. I started talking to her boyfriend and both he and Erica said it would be cool if I met his roommate, Dustin and if we started dating.

I figured why not and so they introduced us on Halloween. We talked basically the whole entire day and something just clicked and he asked me out the next day. Things were going good and I saw him about a month or so later. After our visit, things started to get rocky and a week before our six months, it ended and we continued to still be “friends”.

It was pretty hard on be being the first serious relationship I had ever been in and I never thought I could feel that badly. After a month or so, I was ready to “get back on the horse”, or at least meet people.

Now the one thing I didn’t like about serious relationships was that I though after sometime, the whole giddy feeling you get when you have a crush or just start dating someone would just go away. Even after my relationship with my ex, I felt this way and maybe because of the way the relationship was and the way I was being treated.

Even after fourteen months now of dating my boyfriend, Shane, that feeling has yet to go away. I go to sleep every night thinking about him and wake up every morning with him being the first thing on my mind. Talking to him has been the highlight of my day since we started talking and from the minute I wake up, I can’t wait to talk to him. It’s so difficult for me to fall asleep if I’m not talking to him.

I’ve heard a lot though, that when you really truly love someone, that feeling never goes away. I never really believed that until him.

Why is it when you’re not in school, you wish you were and that you had a lot of work to do? But when you’re in school, you are just dreading going to class and doing the work? I guess it’s that way with a lot of things, wanting to do something when you don’t have to but when you do have to do it, you don’t want to. I think for me it’s because I’m so bored right now, having not much of an offline life along with my online one so I just want something to do.

I don’t regret my decision of taking a year off of school, because it’s giving me time to be sure of what I want to go to school for. I don’t want to go to school and take classes when I might not even need them for whatever it is I decide to do. I love doing both the graphic and web design, but I just don’t know if that’s what I want to do professionally, I kind of like just doing it on my own time as a hobby. I’m the kind of person though willing to try, and usually want to try, to learn how to do something new, and so it’s hard to decide or one thing to do.

It’s weird with all the people I graduated with and have been around the past few years in school are all going off to college. I know a lot of them like it from seeing the status updates and pictures they post on MySpace or Facebook. I kind of want to be one of them, but more for the life they seem to be having; going to class and hanging out with all their new friends. And also the freedom to make their own decisions and to do what they want without someone watching or keeping tabs on them.

My brother goes back to school on Tuesday and it’s so weird that I’m not going to be going back to. It was so weird the other day when I was at the store with my mom and she was grabbing some binders and folders for him and I wasn’t getting them. That made me said because I always loved picking out my new binders, pens/pencils, and all the other things I would need. It’s just going to be so strange this first week while I get use to it. I also just can’t believe that summer is over.

Lately I’ve been spending a lot of time reading and finishing about three books in like two weeks which is a lot for me. I think it has been good though because it has given me something to and to pass the time. I had ordered like six or seven books about two months ago and now I’m finally on the second to the last book and once I finish it and start the last one, I’m going to order some more. I always love getting new books.

Along with that though, I’ve been watching a lot of different shows online. I just recently finished watching all of season one and what has been release of season two of True Blood. I’m definitely addicted to that show. Right now I’m watching Gossip Girl and I just started the second season and I’m also hooked on this. I think once I finish it I might start watching Greek but I’m not totally sure.

About two nights ago, Shane and I had like one of the best nights talking. Normally, since we talk everyday, we have trouble finding things to talk about. We have an easy time when we are together in person. Conversation just came so easy though and it felt like something had changed or something. I can’t really explain it, but it’s not in a bad way.

I felt like we were so much closer, like I could remember all the times we spent together so vividly that it’s like I could feel everything as if it was actually happening. It was hard on us after the first two times we saw each other, but after the most recent visit, it’s so much more difficult and we miss each other so much more.

Yesterday had to be one of the most relaxing days. It was so hot outside so we went swimming at my aunt and uncle’s house like we usually do on the weekends. I didn’t really feel like swimming at first, so I just sat out on the swing by the pool with my book and eventually I got so hot that I had to. We swam in the pool for hours, about three for four then got out for dinner and got right back in for a few more hours.

Last Sunday, it was just like yesterday and I think we’re having such relaxing days is because summer is almost over. That’s the favorite part of summer that I like and look forward to is swmming, or just floating is what we actually do. I love it for the first like two or three weeks then I just don’t feel like it anymore and then once it’s almost over, I enjoying even more and till I can’t.

After we were done swimming though, we went in the house for a bit before we left. My aunt, uncle, cousin Sammi, mom, dad and I sat at the kitchen table drinking coffee and just talking. My cousin Sammi said something to my aunt and uncle about needing to go to the psychiatrist and the OBGYN.

My family isn’t shy and is very open about things, well, a lot of people around here seem to be that way. Sammi went on to tell us about her last experience at the OBGYN (I’m going to spare you that part). My uncle looked at me and said “Is it that bad for you?” and I said that I haven’t gone yet (I know, I know. I should). Then Sammi was like “What?! You better got soon before you and your boyfriend start doing it.” I about died.

It’s crazy to think that everyone is either getting ready to go back to school or has already. It’s even crazier that I’m not one of those people. I mean, I know I would semi-be one of those people if I was going to college, but I don’t think college/university is the same thing as school.

There is like a whole routine every year getting ready to go back to school. The back-to-school clothes and shoe shopping; getting all the different school supplies and picking out your back pack. You are so ready to get back and see all your friends again and just be in a familiar place. I know that was how I was. I would look forward to summer vacation and then after about a month I was starting to miss being in school with my friends and being busy.

I know a lot of you probably do this even when you love school, but when you finally have that day come and you’re all excited that morning waking up and getting ready. You also feel like “get me out of here” once you actually get to school and into your first class to find out that most of the people you were with the year before aren’t there now. Sometimes you get lucky and have good friends there, but most of the time not. Then you get home from school and start counting down for summer, wishing it didn’t end so soon.

I, in a way, wish I was going back, but I also don’t. I mean I love this feeling of not having that day creeping up on me. I feel so free now that I’m out. That was one of the reason I chose to take a year off, but seeing everyone getting ready to start college now, I kind of wish it was me, but again I don’t. Definitely would give me more to do I guess and just everyone seems to love the college life. I wouldn’t be going to a university right away anyway, doing a local college for two years meaning I would be living at home. Not the same.

What I want to know is when and how did Twitter become such a big deal? I remember when I joined just to follow like two youtubers that I like and then all of a sudden, BAM, everyone was using it. There was a good amount of people using it then, but it wasn’t nearly the amount that is using it now and it’s not like it was a huge deal.

Now it seems everyone has one and they are like totally addicted, constantly updating it. I always try and use it a lot, but to be honest it’s not like the first thing I think to do when something happens “OH! Have to twitter that.” I try though, but I just can’t get the “Twitter bug” or whatever you want to call it.

There are some people though that make some stupid updates. Like c’mon, I don’t want to know that you’re going to bathroom. Keep that to yourself, it’s disgusting to be honest with you. If you don’t have anything worth tweeting about then don’t tweet anything.

And also the whole thing with celebrities. I’m not really complaining about this. I think it is cool when you can see what your favorite celebrity is doing and stuff, but now with them using it, it makes it like the thing to do now.

What really gets to me though is it’s like a game to see how many followers you can get and how many you can follow. Eventually that is why I protected my updates because I just had a lot of random porn ones following me or just some creepers and I didn’t like that. To me, it’s not just following anyone, follow people who you’re actually interested in reading their updates or even in the case of a lot of the blogger, to keep quick contact with people.

I’ve gotten a lot of request from some of the bloggers out there and I think it’s cool because I’ve found some people from site I didn’t even know were there till then and it’s like a good connecting place.

To me though, Twitter is just a trend right now like Myspace and Facebook . I think eventually it was slowly go dead. Then again, it has potential, unlike those other two networking sites, to become bigger.